Just an update and its not a quick one.

I havent been very good at keeping my goal up of blogging more. I suck. I know. Ive said that on every blog Ive written since I made that goal that I suck so bad at keeping. And Ill keep saying it until my thick skull remembers to blog more often and it no longer becomes true. *crosses fingers* that it happens soon.

So a lot has happened since the last time I blogged. I am doing okay for those of you who care. I am just trying to take it a day at a time. Ive started school in a sequence that I know nothing about xrays. And it is kicking my ass to be honest Im unsure about it but Ill stick with it and do everything I can to push through it and learn as much as I can. Wish me luck.
I have washed my car again (today) actually still with the help of my sister but it went WAY better than the last time. No mini break down YES! Progress feels so good. Its the simple things really. I knew I could start school. I knew I would get a job (which Ill get to later). I knew I could do the big things. Its the little things I was having the hardest time with. Like washing my car. And Im not good at it still but Im getting better. One step at a time. There was no crying this time. Next time maybe Ill do it myself or remember to bring towels to dry it off. But Im getting there.
So I got a job. Heck yes! Its not my dream job or anything but its a job and Ill take whatever I can get. I will be doing marketing at a local casino from 12am to 6am. That Ill need to get used to. But its after school and Ill still have the whole day to sleep and do homework and what not. I also am still waiting to hear back from Ross and if I can change the availability with them and still work there 2-3 days a week I will do that as well. So we shall see if thats possible. 2 jobs and school should be fun. =)
Next...for anyone wondering. Bandit is doing great. He gets a long with his new friend Max. He trys to play like he doesnt but he loves him and cuddles with him when he thinks no one is looking. He loves the bed Jazine and Lonnie got him. (he never slept in a bed ever since he was about a year and Smokey stole his bed) but he lays in this bed all the time now.
Its hard going to school at the shelter with all the pretty pit bulls and not adopting any of them. Im starting my 3rd week and I havent taken any home. Thats impressive for real.
More progress on my part I opened my own bank account haha its small but still makes me happy.
But seriously, everyday life is still really hard. Im doing good. Im working towards little things at a time which I know is best for me but things are still hard and different. Somethings Id rather not do on my own and somethings Im glad Im learning how to do alone. I question a lot of things though. Relationships more than anything. I relied so much on one person for so long and he did a great job and taking care of EVERYTHING I needed I didnt have to worry about anything. I honestly dont know that Ill ever be able to do that again. Just knowing that I failed at keeping it together and I have to learn how to do everything for the first time at 25. But I know that since Im learning them now if anything were to happen in the future that doesnt work out I at least know how to deal with things alone. But I question if Ill ever be able to put complete trust into someone to lean on. I dont think Ill be able to ever give that much trust to someone else. Which makes me wonder if its even worth trying. If I doubt it as much as I do, is it worth trying? For me or the other person? Who knows, Im sure with time my mind and heart might change but only time will tell. I do know Im scared of it. Which Im sure is a huge part of not wanting to try again.

Well, Im sure Ive bored you enough Ill go to bed now. Good night.