learning to cope

Heres another poem I wrote in 2001.

The tears or the bitter pain.

Whichever it may be.

The chilling cold or the freezing rain.

Give me a little reality.

The abuse and the lies

Hurt me more yesterday.

The stinging pain of my reddened eyes

Will keep me from crying today.

The coldness of my heart will end

Because I have hope.

The scattered pieces of my broken

Mind will mend.

I am learning to cope.

I have all my poems written in this old torn up notebook so I want to start to rewrite them in a nicer journal so that I can keep them. Actually Ive bought a few different journals to actually start doing this but I still havent done it so maybe Ill start that soon. Hopefully.

Well let me know what you think about this one. =]

willing participant

"If it happens once youre a victim, if it happens twice youre a willing participant"
My teacher said this today and I really couldnt agree more. She was referring to a girl in class that has been getting beat by her boyfriend for years. A few weeks ago she went out with a few girls and her boyfriend and one of the girls didnt like how he was acting so she called him out on it well that set him off and he beat her when they got home. Well she came to school with a huge black eye and everyone has been trying to get her to leave him and now she is finally doing so. The class helped her get rid of her animals so she wouldnt have to worry about relocating with them. Well she was late for class today and no one had heard from her over the weekend so we were worried about her but she did come in and nothing had happened but thats when my teacher said that quote. I have been trying to figure out a way to word that exact thing without saying you pretty much ask for it if you stay.
I have known a lot of women that have been beaten or abused by their boyfriends or husbands Ive actually seen it with my own eyes with my mom and I cant even explain how many times I have had that thought. It makes me so mad the first time when they decide to take them back but when it happens again and again I really cant feel bad or sorry for you when you walk around with a black eye or broken bones anymore. Its actually rather annoying. I mean no one can help you until you want to help yourself and if you keep going back then you dont want to help yourself so why would I want to waste my breathe and time on trying to help you?

Alright Im done on that subject Im getting pissed off just writting it and I dont want to be pissed off right now.

So I was watching this show called four weddings and its about four brides that go to each other's weddings and then rate them and the one with the highest points wins a honeymoon. Well this one lady made her bouquet out of recycled paper and she made all these different colored flowers it was really awesome actually. Then this other bride made her bouquet out of broches that she asked all her family members to get her it was even better then the recycled paper one. I loved those ideas I wonder if I could rip off one of those ideas or something similar for my wedding. haha ummm food for thought.

Well Im going to go now. Have a good night

Not Named

Here are some photos I edited in photoshop. =] Ill start off with cute pictures before I go into my rants.
My love and me hes my baby

My babe and Me I love him too

My prettygirl and Me yep you guessed it I love her too :)

So I was on facebook this morning and found out my sister will be in AZ for the weekend. I had no idea she told me he was going to Vegas on Monday but nothing about her going there. Now Im finding out this simi important information off facebook. (yea its not important they are getting married and they should be spending time together but if I were still there Im sure I would have known this) I really am wondering if I am the only person that can keep relationships while I have a boyfriend/fiance? Im not sure if this fall out happened because I am no longer in the same state or if its because she is busy planning the wedding. Its fairly annoying either way because if its because I moved than..I MOVED I DIDNT DIE! and if its because shes planning a wedding...again I didnt die and why am I the maid of honor if you dont even feel the need to talk to me anymore? Oh well I guess there isnt anything that can be done really. Just suck it up right? Im just really tired of this. Am I over reacting on this?

Im also wondering why in the hell people get on the highway and go under 60? I miss the i15 haha I never thought I would say that but at least when its not backed up people actually effing drive on that thing. Not like here where they go so slow. Im not even asking them to speed leave that up to me =] but at least go the effing speed limit or get off the damn highway. Take a surface street and go slow. GRRRRRR its so annoying.

A girl in class went to the big smoke out yesterday for 420 in Denver (there were like two or three in different parts of the state) but the one in Denver was across the street from the Captial Building. I seen pictures of it, it was ridiculous how many people were there. She said there were over 100 cops out there and they were just there to make sure there were no fights and what not...Im sorry Im all for doing what you want and freedom in your actions...BUT ITS AGAINST THE LAW TO SMOKE WEED!!!! I dont give a damn if its 420 its not a real holiday its just a stoners bullshit made up day. If you want to get high illegally do it in your house dont do it in public and why were they not arrested? Stupid crap!!

I had other stuff to complain about...but I dont remember what they were lol.

This weekend were supposed to plan a hiking trip but even though the weatherman said it was going to be 60 degrees and sunny its really been cloudy and looks like rain so we will see if that happens. I really hope so I really need to start taking more photos.

Oh I have to say this, city life sure didnt prepare me for all the hit by car bunny rabbits and parriedogs on the road.
But there is this little grassy area down the street that has like a million parriedogs just hanging out all the time I will take some photos of them when I take them :)

Alright Im going to go now.

A Story

Tell me a story

about days that have passed.

Tell me any story

as long as it lasts.

Tell me a story

and help me forget

about how bad the world is

and all the tears wept.

Tell me a story

maybe about sunshine.

Any kind of story

where everything is fine.

About happiness or love.

Not about days that are rainy

or stars that no longer shine.

Tell me a story

about the river that goes with the flow.

I wrote this poem in 2001. Thought I would share it.